We are all a little broken.
Sooooo there's these humans. I have become pretty close with them this semester all thanks to a boy. Skyler started working at the BYU store in July so we became friends. When I broke up with the guy I had been dating all summer, Skyler jumped right in and asked me out. We've been spending time together consistently the whole semester. In that time, I've managed to get pretty close to his friend group. For a little while I was scared that I liked Skyler for his friends. OOPS...Guys, they are really cool. On Monday night Skyler forced me to have one of those deep talks that I avoid with everything in my power (deep talks always require way too much emotion for me to handle). He told me about some of his struggles. I learned that I'm not the only one who puts themselves in a vault and acts like everything is great when inside they are really freakin out. It felt good to know someone else was struggling too.....or so I thought.
The next day at work was horrible. Skyler was a completely different person. He was almost scared of me. It felt like he was dodging any opportunity to look in my direction. I confided in our now mutual friends. They were shocked Skyler had opened up to me. Apparently I'm the only one who Skyler had ever talked to about some of his struggles.
Throughout the week I've been struggling. Skyler is pushing me away, his friends are all giving me mixed advice, and I'm just a mess trying to put my own puzzle together. Through this whole thing I've had a lot of those "deep" chats that I really really hate. I got to talk to my dad about everything, Tiff has told me all about her struggles and worries, even Skyler's friend Joe admitted some of his fears to me. When I went to therapy today I was a mess and a half. I seriously hadn't stopped crying all day- in class, at the gym, in the shower, at home, then in therapy. Kim told me she was so proud of me. She was almost happy that I was struggling so badly. She explained that these struggles have forced me to open up to people. They forced me to make REAL connections with people and allowed people to see the vulnerable Carly that is stressed and struggling to know what to do. She pointed out that this week Carly Barton proved to have REAL friends. These people don't hang out with me just for Skyler anymore. They want me to go to the BYU football game even if he's at home doing homework. They love me for me. They trust me enough to tell me that they are broken. It scared me to death to be growing closer and closer to these really cool people. They are helping me feel again. Skyler and I probably aren't dating anymore. But I have found my people.
The next day at work was horrible. Skyler was a completely different person. He was almost scared of me. It felt like he was dodging any opportunity to look in my direction. I confided in our now mutual friends. They were shocked Skyler had opened up to me. Apparently I'm the only one who Skyler had ever talked to about some of his struggles.
Throughout the week I've been struggling. Skyler is pushing me away, his friends are all giving me mixed advice, and I'm just a mess trying to put my own puzzle together. Through this whole thing I've had a lot of those "deep" chats that I really really hate. I got to talk to my dad about everything, Tiff has told me all about her struggles and worries, even Skyler's friend Joe admitted some of his fears to me. When I went to therapy today I was a mess and a half. I seriously hadn't stopped crying all day- in class, at the gym, in the shower, at home, then in therapy. Kim told me she was so proud of me. She was almost happy that I was struggling so badly. She explained that these struggles have forced me to open up to people. They forced me to make REAL connections with people and allowed people to see the vulnerable Carly that is stressed and struggling to know what to do. She pointed out that this week Carly Barton proved to have REAL friends. These people don't hang out with me just for Skyler anymore. They want me to go to the BYU football game even if he's at home doing homework. They love me for me. They trust me enough to tell me that they are broken. It scared me to death to be growing closer and closer to these really cool people. They are helping me feel again. Skyler and I probably aren't dating anymore. But I have found my people.
While the boys went to priesthood session I got to spend hours with these girls shopping. Me shopping? I usually hate it. Kim pointed out that the thought of trying on clothes with two other girls as we were all trying on the same sizes in the same dressing room showed that these girls really do help me feel a little bit better about Carly.
The girl in the very middle has become one of my very best friends. She's one of the happiest, kindest, and most sincere people I've ever met. I needed her this semester. When my dad was just about to finish the priesthood blessing that he gave me he added a part about needing to focus on drawing close to friends that will support me and love me through my hardships. Little did I know how close my best friend was about to become.
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