For ME.

Two of my favorite things are t-shirts and cacti. Recently I've killed my 5th cacti (everyone said it was impossible but I beg to differ) and I purchased my new favorite t-shirt. Everyone knows I would rather wear leggings and a t-shirt with a big sweater than just about anything else in the world. With this new bad boy I'm never going to need to go shopping again!

For the past few weeks Ali has repeated asked me what Carly does for Carly.....I go on runs, I do homework, I eat healthy, I do family history, I work, I go on dates. These are things I fill my time with. I really love being outside and doing things that make me feel strong like rock climbing, hiking, long runs with my home teacher, even killing it in blaster tag on a date. 

I've realized that everything I do has to have a purpose or else I lose a lot of self-esteem. Wasting time isn't an option. If I have extra time I better use it wisely. There's always something to do, some class to get caught up on, some flaw that I better get working on fixing. I'm currently procrastinating studying the human cranial nerve pathways and functions. This temporarily feels like it has a better purpose.

Today, my roommate did something hard that was for her. It's what she needed to do and I admire her for it. She was willing to give up something good because she has faith that there was something better. To me, that takes a lot of courage. Sometimes I wish I was as brave as Libby.

Back to my new t-shirt. The best part isn't even the cacti. Under the cacti it says, "Be you. Do you. For you." I wear this shirt at least 3 times a week but I don't follow it very well. I'm not good at being me. Doing me. ESPECIALLY FOR ME. My roommates are all gone tonight so as I sit at home tinkering with a  model of a human eye and trying to memorize youtube videos of cranial nerves, I've thought about what I do for me. 

Last summer, I worked a really hard job because I thought it's where I was needed. As a nanny, I was for sure needed. That job did a lot more damage to me than good to anyone. This school year I've maintained relationships because I thought it would eventually be good for me, Ed included. My mom keeps reminding me that trying to make sure everyone else is happy is never going to help me be happy. 

This summer, I plan on learning how to be good to myself and I'm actually really excited to take some time to put Carly back together. There are 6 more weeks to pound out my 5th semester of college and then it's go time. A trip to Hawaii, camp hobe, a job that I'm not doing for the money or to be super nanny but because that's where friends will be, a huge book list because I miss reading so much, a new ward, a camping trip with my big sister in Tucson, possibly a race with an old mission companion, lots of ice skating, boating trips, country dancing, nights under the stars, and so so so many fun adventures with my friends and family. I'll probably even take Ali up on doing group therapy (massive eye role emoji). I'm getting trunky for my summer vacation. 6 weeks to go. I can do this. 6 more weeks until it's time for Carly.