Depression

The eating disorder went away but the depression still lags behind. It's the shadow that follows me wherever I go. Depression weighs heavily on my shoulders, making it hard to study, go to the gym, or be around others. It's exhausting to pretend like you're ok when you emotions aren't there. I feel numb and scared all the time.

I'm sitting in the library with no motivation to study. Sitting with my sisters the morning, all I could think was, "I bet they think I'm being a know it all. I don't think they want me here." Depression is so hard. The weight makes it hard to think and hard to breathe. I miss Carly. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel but I don't see it.

The shadow tells me that I'm going to be single, in my parents basement, and broke forever. It tells me I'm not doing enough yet makes it so hard to do anything. This all sounds so dramatic but anyone that goes through depression must know what I'm feeling.

Sleep turns off my thinking. My bed is the only safe place. The darkness of my room eliminates the shadows and I finally feel free. What am I doing wrong? Does anyone else understand? I have so much good in my world. Why don't I feel good about any of it?